Writing this post has been more emotional than I ever expected. Thinking back to when my anxiety first began and how hopeless, lonely and scared I felt makes me feel so many emotions for 12 year old me. It has been such a struggle and a very long road, but it made me the strong AF person I am today and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Let’s dive right in to where it all began shall we?
I had my first panic attack the night before I got my period for the first time. THANKS HORMONES. I remember being at a restaurant with my family and running to the bathroom because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry, throw up or go to the hospital. Experiencing anxiety for the first time, especially at such a young age, is terrifying. My symptoms were slow to start and many of my friends labeled me as a hypochondriac or being sensitive or dramatic (which I am all of the above), but what I didn’t realize was that I had a mental illness and that having anxiety was normal and could easily be managed.
Things got worse when high school came around and my anxiety began to center around being alone, driving in the car. I remember being so nervous to drive to my boyfriends house who lived less than one mile away from my house. Seems so silly right? But the fear and constant thoughts of having a panic attack while I was driving, alone, and stuck in the car drove me insane. I once had to have my mom come pick me up 5 minutes away from our house when I was on my way to cheer a basketball game. I had to miss the game and spent an hour crying the parking lot SO frustrated that I was having these feelings of terror for absolutely no reason at all.
A few terrible panic attacks later, I realized I couldn’t live my life like this any longer. My neighbor owns her own Acupuncture & Holistic Wellness center so I began seeing her for treatments and I also saw a therapist. Did this help? Absolutely. Did I still have frequent panic attacks? Yep. During a very common trip to the urgent care (I basically always thought I was dying) the nurse looked at me and told me I should try taking anti-depressants for my anxiety. The thought terrified me. Needing to take a pill every day forever. How would it make me feel? Would I lose my personality and emotion? What would my friends think when I told them I was on anti-depressants? I felt alone and scared, but I also knew deep down that it is what I needed to do.
I started taking 10 mg of Prozac at age 16 and luckily, had no side effects and slowly my panic attacks became less intense and less frequent. I went through a few years having basically no anxiety at all, and then a few years ago it crept back up again. The medication has made it manageable, but I still deal with it every single day. I’m not ashamed of the medication I take because it saved my life. I have had to deal with tons of people telling me that I don’t need medication for anxiety, that essential oils and mediation and whateverthefuck will cure me. And that’s fine they can believe that, but I know I tried everything I could not to be on medication and that every persons experience with mental illness is SO different and we need to be accepting of that. I hope that with sharing my experience I can help you with your journey and I encourage you to explore your options with natural remedies, but also don’t be scared to get the help you need.
Since I have been dealing with this for over 15 years now, I have a pretty long list of things that have helped me ease my anxiety other than medication. I’m no expert, but I can tell you that all of these things have truly helped me and might help you too.
Hope this helped! Let me know your tips for managing anxiety – we’re all in this together.
xx,
Brocc
Hi, I’m Carissa Stanton aka @broccyourbody. I run my food blog full time out of Los Angeles, CA.
